miscellaneous ramblings

Mady and I are both sick. She has my cold and I have sinus issues on top of my cold. I feel like junk. I did manage to sleep in a bit. I'm so thankful that Savanna enjoys getting up early with her sister. They cuddle on the couch under her blankie and watch cartoons. Sam of course, got up and got wild, so I didn't get to sleep very long. He needs to go run in the park or something, if only I didn't feel too yucky to take them.

Sometimes kids say the cutest things. When Mady says I love you first, she still always says *I love you, too* As my sister would say It hearts my melt.

There is now officially a party of one in my uterus. This baby is oh so very active all of a sudden. Almost overnight and I feel movement several times a day every day. Last night there was one particular kick that actually pushed my stomach out. I told Bryan that if i laid down he could probably feel already. Unusual since I'm overweight it usually takes longer for him to be able to feel it.

I'm going to try to make some lasagna tonight. Just shells, meat, moz cheese, and sauce. Hopefully everyone will like it.

Happy New Year!

Men!

Sometimes my wonderful husband drives me up the wall! Last night we had our late Christmas dinner with the in laws. I had to ask mil to leave some potatoes out for Mady so I could use her milk. She thinks it's too expensive to cook with Mady's milk. I offered to provide the milk. We are blessed enough to get it with WIC (without needing a dr note), so it's not like I don't have enough to cook with. Besides, what the alternative? Even if we had to pay almost $4 for a half a gallon, I don't think we really have a choice. There were also several deserts Mady could not eat, not a single one she could. So we went for ice cream after we left. I felt very sad for her to have everyone else eating desert and she couldn't have any. She did eat a bit of cool whip since it's doesn't have lactose in it. We got some sherbet, but all they had was cherry limeade. She didn't like it much. So what does dh do? Sneaks her some of his ice cream. I was very upset. He said he can't stand to see her cry because she couldn't have any. I said I couldn't stand to see her screaming in pain, especially knowing I could have prevented it. About an hour and a half later she woke up screaming. Dh tries to talk to her when she's doing this. I have tried explaining it to him. I use the analogy of not asking a woman having contractions any questions because at that moment they really don't care. He obviously doesn't get it. She doesn't want to be held, or talked to, or often even touched. She rolls around the bed, pulling her legs up, kicking and screaming. As soon as she's done she wants to cuddle. It's heartbreaking to watch. Last night I was emotional anyway and she was screaming and I started crying. I hurt for her when she is like that. After about 10-15 minutes she wound down. She sat on my lap, she was so tired and partly asleep. All of a sudden she curled up and let out this heart wrenching howl of pain as the last cramp hit her. I started crying again and my sweet baby girl reached up to kiss my cheek and tell me it's ok. So I felt like crap after that, I'm supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around. I think Bryan finally FINALLY gets it. We're going to go buy some Popsicles or soy ice cream or something today. Something that we can all enjoy.

So now my question is. We've been searching for a lasagna recipe and everyone keeps suggesting cottage cheese, but I don't know if she can eat that. I've also read that some people who are lactose intolerant can eat yogurt because the bacteria breaks a lot of the lactose down. Do I try it knowing she could very likely have a reaction? The biggest part of me says no, I don't want to do that to her. A small part says yes, because she loves yogurt and if she can eat it that would be a great thing for her. Sometimes being a parent is so hard.

Talked to the nurse

It was not the horrible nurse. She was so wonderful. I guess i let my sister get to me. I explained to the nurse about Mady and what happens when she eats things with milk. I explained about Aden and how his reactions are and what the Children's Hospital dr said about lactose intolerance. She explained that there are different levels. That Mady can obviously eat things like crackers and white bread (not sure about this, we don't have it often), but there are other things that are harder on her. She said the dr would suggest dietary changes and since we have already done that there is no pint in giving her any meds. I asked about the breath test and she said there was no reason to do that since the dietary changes are working. She said it is very hard on kids. It's hard on kids who have diarrhea , but much harder on kids who have abdominal cramp reactions. I don't want to put her through that for nothing, not when what we are doing is already working.

Jen, she doesn't have a reaction for days from the same thing. It just seems that we are fine for a while and then something new things will be introduced or something will sneak in all within days of each other. Like ebbs and flows. She did have colic, but I completely cut all dairy out of my diet, not even processed foods with casein or whey. That didn't help much and the colic went away around four months. I did read that sometimes kids with colic are more likely to become lactose intolerant, but i don't remember where I read it, so I don't know if it's from a reputable source.

Been so busy lately

I feel like I'm never home anymore. I have been running so much lately.

Our Christmas was good. We spent Christmas Eve night at my mom's again. I don't want to do that anymore. I didn't want to do it this year, but i have a hard time saying no. Miss Savanna Rose woke me up at 2 am (after we had already had a possessed alarm clock go off, two kids wake up crying because it was about 90 degrees in our room, and listening to my loud mouth sister and her friends laugh loudly until 12:30) to tell me Santa had come. SHe then proceeded to wake me up every ten minutes for the next hour to tell me that she couldn't wait and we needed to wake everyone else up. I finally showed her the clock and told her she couldn't wake me up until it said 5 am or she wasn't opening any presents until everyone else did. I know, it was mean, but I was tired, cranky, and desperate.

Isn't the lactose thing sup.posed to get easier as after the diagnosis? It hasn't. We have weeks where things are great, followed by several days of horrible reactions. Apparently I'm going to have to ban hot chocolate from my house. If anyone else has it, Mady wants. The screaming for this is as bad as the colic. I called the dr, I just wanted to come in, talk, maybe get a formal diagnosis, but apparently they don't usually see kids for a lactose intolerance diagnosis. What the crap is that about? They are going to call me back, but i don't have much hope. This is the call back nurse who ha refused to let us come in before for what she thought were chicken pox (so was not cp) and while she was listening to my child SCREAM in pain. He was so loud she couldn't even hear me, but nope, he was fine, didn't need to be seen. *sigh* We need new insurance so we can get a better dr.

Is it bedtime yet?

I have been so busy with sick kids I don't even remember the last time I was here. Sam had a very high fever with a swollen lymph node again. THen Mady got the fever and was completely lethargic. She kinda scared me a few times. Our ped's office must love me since i have given them almost $100 in the last month. That doesn't even begin to cover the prescriptions. I am so beyond exhausted. I don't think I have had more than 6 or 7 hours sleep in the last 3-4 days. I'm so tired my eyes hurt the entire time I'm awake. I don't think I was ever this tired when I had newborns.

My poor Savanna. I feel she has sort of slipped through the cracks in the last few weeks. She gets her needs met, but she hasn't had a lot of other time with either of us. Today I took her to the store with me and we've been reading more together. She's very into Junie B. Jones books, which the other two care nothing about. So I'm trying to make up to her for the last few weeks. Of course that doesn't make the guilt go away. We did go to the Christmas Parade with just her on Thursday. She was in it and it was too cold for the sick ones. We went to the library first where we read some and she got to help Grammy work. She really likes wiping off the books people return. She said she wants to work there every day after school. I think I might have a future librarian on my hands.

My son

What he did because Auntie Nay Nay was allowed to write on his face.

My little indian

My mom called Sam today and asked if he wanted to spend the day at her house. While there he played lots of his favorite games and Auntie Nay Nay did his face so he would look like an Indian.

They have officially pissed me off

The in laws. Gosh, sometimes I think I might honestly hate them. Bryan and I decided that the kids and I would not go to his sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner today. We have spent most of the last week at his parents house visiting with family. He had to work today and I didn't feel like driving for 2+ hours with his dad. So mil calls this morning and asks if Savanna can go. I said yes honestly expecting her to let Sam go, too. She didn't. I should have said no. I'm so mad at myself for saying if they both can't go, neither of them can go. Sam has been sobbing he is so upset. I so don't know how much longer I can deal with them. I am ready to quit going to family functions. I don't deserve to be treated this way and neither do my children.

Oh the pain!

My lower back is killing me. It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, and it hurts to lay down. I think it can be blamed on the box spring problems we are having. When Sam was six months old we put our mattress on the floor because he was falling off the bed. My mom asked if she could borrow them until she bought new ones. At the time she had a king size mattress on queen size box springs. I agreed, I shouldn't have. I have been asking for them back for years. Especially when I was pregnant with Madalyn. Then she said she would give them back after she bought new ones, again. I gave up asking for awhile. I've been asking again and she keeps putting me off. The box springs we have are not a match. One if a bit higher than the other. It creates serious problems for my back, but most especially when I am pregnant. I'm in so much pain today, and Bryan is working, so I can't just rest. I'm really so frustrated with my mom.

Go me!

I kinda stood up to my mom yesterday. She watched my kiddos while I went to my prenatal appointment. By the time I got back I had a huge sinus headache. When I got there I had to sit and listen to her and my sister fight (WHY do they think they can live together?). Then they gave me an outfit to try on Mady. As soon as I took her pants off she peed on the floor. She doesn't do real well when there are a bunch of people around, I don't know why, she just doesn't. So I was changing her and I was going to clean up the floor. My mom started yelling that she had just shampooed her carpets. Then she turned to Mady and still with her voice raised said she was going to start making Mady wear a diaper at her house. I just kinda snapped and snapped at her *Stop it! That doesn't help anything!* For those that know me well, I don't do this. I had raised my own voice, but I was so frustrated. She's two and a half, give me a break. It's not uncommon for a child her age to have accidents. Telling her she's going to have to wear diapers again is not something that helps. I left shortly thereafter. She can't understand why I got upset with her.

8 things

Jen tagged me with this. I don't have anyone else to tag, but I'll fill it out. .

8 things I'm passionate about:

1-My kids
2-My DH
3-knitting
4-reading
5-music
6-Did I mention knitting?
7-Sonic Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper with no ice and extra real cherries.
8-Having mommy time, whether it's by myself or with friends.


8 things I say often:

1-I meant to tell you, can't you read my mind yet? This is said to DH.
2-(insert child's name here) leave your brother/sister alone.
3-Do you have to go potty?
4-Did you pee in your panties?
5-Why did you pee in your panties?
6-What did you do at school today?
7-Can you make dinner tonight, pretty please. Said while I bat eyelashes.
8-I am so tired

8 books I've read recently:

1-The Giver
2-Gathering Blue
3-Messenger all by Lois Lowry
4-A Killer Stitch by Maggie Sefton
5-60,000+ baby names (why can't I find one?)
6-Savannah Blues by Mary Kay Andrews
7-Annie's Rainbow by Fern Michaels
8-Family Blessings by Fern Michaels

8 things I want to do before I die:

1- Vacation somewhere tropical
2-See all of my kids get married
3-Go on a mission with my husband
4-Start college
5-Build my dream house
6-Have a nice yarn stash
7-Instill a love of reading in each of my children
8-Meet some of my online friends.

8 songs I can listen to over and over again:
1-Something That We Do by Clint Black
2-Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis (my wedding song)
3-Amazed by Lonestar
4-Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss
5-I Thought She Knew by N'SYNC
6-HonkeyTonkBadonkadonk by Trace Adkins
7-Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard
8-What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

8 things that attract me to my friends
1-Honesty
2-Compassion
3-Empathy
4-I just have to be able to talk to them
5-Loyalty
6-Humor
7-Non-Judgemental (I know we all are to some degree)
8-Love

8 things I learned in the last year:
1-It's worth it to make less money to have my husband home more often.
2-New friends can quickly become close friends and feel like you have been friends forever.
3-Hard decisions are made easier when children are threatened.
4-One night out a week makes mommy a much better mommy.
5-I am completely addicted to knitting. Why did I resist for so long?
6-No matter how sucky life seems, if you look hard enough you can find a blessing somewhere.
7-Sometimes disastrous things, turn our to be blessings. It's best to be patient and see how it goes.
8-Switching insurance companies sucks.

Sick sucks

I hate when the kids are sick. Sam has an ear infection. He is absolutely miserable. The drainage is terrible and his coughing at night is like when he had croup. He literally cannot breathe. That was the scariest time ever and we're doing it again. Mady has a fever now, too. I'm so tired it's not even funny. Sam coughs and whines all night, Mady tosses and turns and whines all night. I just need some sleep.


On a brighter note, I had Sam's parent/teacher conference yesterday. His teacher is incredibly sweet. She kept talking about how incredibly smart he is. She said it amazes her the things he figures out. Things that most of the kids in the class don't. It was nice to hear. She also said that when she reads to them and then asks questions he's one of the only ones that can always give her an answer. We talked about his speech and she said she isn't sure if it's just from getting used to it, or that it's getting better, but she can understand him better. I brought up our question of holding him back from K a year, mostly because of his speech. She pointed out that he already has most of his skills needed for K. She said that the Speech Pathologist also remarks on how smart he is. She said his speech eval he had last month was similar to his first one, where he was very far ahead on his auditory comprehension (he was 3 years 3 months, but tested at 4 years 11 months). I have an IEP (individual education plan) meeting at his school next Wednesday. I will get the results of his evals there. Anyways, I got the impression that she didn't really think speech problems were a reason by themselves to not start K. I wish it wasn't so hard to make decisions.

Pray for me as I try to get Sam's medicine into him.

I'm back

Here is my attempt to actually keep up with a blog. The last week has been pretty rough. Sam is sick. He has the yucky cough and he has had a fever. His fever is finally gone, but his cough is still here. He says he doesn't feel well enough to go to school. It's just preschool, so I'm not too worried about it, except that he's missing speech. Funny, he doesn't even know he has speech, he just thinks he goes to play games with Miss Davina. Whatever works. He says he doesn't like school, but he used to say he likes it. I don't know if he's just saying that because he isn't ready to go back or what.

Mady has gotten so mean lately. She has such a temper. She throws kicking and screaming tantrums. Right now I'm just trying to ignore them. Or I talk to her, but don't give in. Her biting has slowed down, but she is mean to Sam. I think she's just making up for when he was horrid to her, her first few years. Should i be worried? I don't know.

Savanna is wonderful, she has all A's and A+'s. Her teacher is awesome! I'm so glad she loves school.

Bryan is so busy right now. He works, has school, and church responsibilities, he doesn't have enough time in the day.

Me? I'm just tired. This pregnancy drains me. I don't feel sick unless I don't eat protein for breakfast. I just wish I wasn't so tired. The house is suffering, which makes Bry cranky, which makes me cranky. Almost second trimester, the tiredness is supposed to get better than right?