miscellaneous ramblings

Mady and I are both sick. She has my cold and I have sinus issues on top of my cold. I feel like junk. I did manage to sleep in a bit. I'm so thankful that Savanna enjoys getting up early with her sister. They cuddle on the couch under her blankie and watch cartoons. Sam of course, got up and got wild, so I didn't get to sleep very long. He needs to go run in the park or something, if only I didn't feel too yucky to take them.

Sometimes kids say the cutest things. When Mady says I love you first, she still always says *I love you, too* As my sister would say It hearts my melt.

There is now officially a party of one in my uterus. This baby is oh so very active all of a sudden. Almost overnight and I feel movement several times a day every day. Last night there was one particular kick that actually pushed my stomach out. I told Bryan that if i laid down he could probably feel already. Unusual since I'm overweight it usually takes longer for him to be able to feel it.

I'm going to try to make some lasagna tonight. Just shells, meat, moz cheese, and sauce. Hopefully everyone will like it.

Happy New Year!

Men!

Sometimes my wonderful husband drives me up the wall! Last night we had our late Christmas dinner with the in laws. I had to ask mil to leave some potatoes out for Mady so I could use her milk. She thinks it's too expensive to cook with Mady's milk. I offered to provide the milk. We are blessed enough to get it with WIC (without needing a dr note), so it's not like I don't have enough to cook with. Besides, what the alternative? Even if we had to pay almost $4 for a half a gallon, I don't think we really have a choice. There were also several deserts Mady could not eat, not a single one she could. So we went for ice cream after we left. I felt very sad for her to have everyone else eating desert and she couldn't have any. She did eat a bit of cool whip since it's doesn't have lactose in it. We got some sherbet, but all they had was cherry limeade. She didn't like it much. So what does dh do? Sneaks her some of his ice cream. I was very upset. He said he can't stand to see her cry because she couldn't have any. I said I couldn't stand to see her screaming in pain, especially knowing I could have prevented it. About an hour and a half later she woke up screaming. Dh tries to talk to her when she's doing this. I have tried explaining it to him. I use the analogy of not asking a woman having contractions any questions because at that moment they really don't care. He obviously doesn't get it. She doesn't want to be held, or talked to, or often even touched. She rolls around the bed, pulling her legs up, kicking and screaming. As soon as she's done she wants to cuddle. It's heartbreaking to watch. Last night I was emotional anyway and she was screaming and I started crying. I hurt for her when she is like that. After about 10-15 minutes she wound down. She sat on my lap, she was so tired and partly asleep. All of a sudden she curled up and let out this heart wrenching howl of pain as the last cramp hit her. I started crying again and my sweet baby girl reached up to kiss my cheek and tell me it's ok. So I felt like crap after that, I'm supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around. I think Bryan finally FINALLY gets it. We're going to go buy some Popsicles or soy ice cream or something today. Something that we can all enjoy.

So now my question is. We've been searching for a lasagna recipe and everyone keeps suggesting cottage cheese, but I don't know if she can eat that. I've also read that some people who are lactose intolerant can eat yogurt because the bacteria breaks a lot of the lactose down. Do I try it knowing she could very likely have a reaction? The biggest part of me says no, I don't want to do that to her. A small part says yes, because she loves yogurt and if she can eat it that would be a great thing for her. Sometimes being a parent is so hard.

Talked to the nurse

It was not the horrible nurse. She was so wonderful. I guess i let my sister get to me. I explained to the nurse about Mady and what happens when she eats things with milk. I explained about Aden and how his reactions are and what the Children's Hospital dr said about lactose intolerance. She explained that there are different levels. That Mady can obviously eat things like crackers and white bread (not sure about this, we don't have it often), but there are other things that are harder on her. She said the dr would suggest dietary changes and since we have already done that there is no pint in giving her any meds. I asked about the breath test and she said there was no reason to do that since the dietary changes are working. She said it is very hard on kids. It's hard on kids who have diarrhea , but much harder on kids who have abdominal cramp reactions. I don't want to put her through that for nothing, not when what we are doing is already working.

Jen, she doesn't have a reaction for days from the same thing. It just seems that we are fine for a while and then something new things will be introduced or something will sneak in all within days of each other. Like ebbs and flows. She did have colic, but I completely cut all dairy out of my diet, not even processed foods with casein or whey. That didn't help much and the colic went away around four months. I did read that sometimes kids with colic are more likely to become lactose intolerant, but i don't remember where I read it, so I don't know if it's from a reputable source.

Been so busy lately

I feel like I'm never home anymore. I have been running so much lately.

Our Christmas was good. We spent Christmas Eve night at my mom's again. I don't want to do that anymore. I didn't want to do it this year, but i have a hard time saying no. Miss Savanna Rose woke me up at 2 am (after we had already had a possessed alarm clock go off, two kids wake up crying because it was about 90 degrees in our room, and listening to my loud mouth sister and her friends laugh loudly until 12:30) to tell me Santa had come. SHe then proceeded to wake me up every ten minutes for the next hour to tell me that she couldn't wait and we needed to wake everyone else up. I finally showed her the clock and told her she couldn't wake me up until it said 5 am or she wasn't opening any presents until everyone else did. I know, it was mean, but I was tired, cranky, and desperate.

Isn't the lactose thing sup.posed to get easier as after the diagnosis? It hasn't. We have weeks where things are great, followed by several days of horrible reactions. Apparently I'm going to have to ban hot chocolate from my house. If anyone else has it, Mady wants. The screaming for this is as bad as the colic. I called the dr, I just wanted to come in, talk, maybe get a formal diagnosis, but apparently they don't usually see kids for a lactose intolerance diagnosis. What the crap is that about? They are going to call me back, but i don't have much hope. This is the call back nurse who ha refused to let us come in before for what she thought were chicken pox (so was not cp) and while she was listening to my child SCREAM in pain. He was so loud she couldn't even hear me, but nope, he was fine, didn't need to be seen. *sigh* We need new insurance so we can get a better dr.

Is it bedtime yet?

I have been so busy with sick kids I don't even remember the last time I was here. Sam had a very high fever with a swollen lymph node again. THen Mady got the fever and was completely lethargic. She kinda scared me a few times. Our ped's office must love me since i have given them almost $100 in the last month. That doesn't even begin to cover the prescriptions. I am so beyond exhausted. I don't think I have had more than 6 or 7 hours sleep in the last 3-4 days. I'm so tired my eyes hurt the entire time I'm awake. I don't think I was ever this tired when I had newborns.

My poor Savanna. I feel she has sort of slipped through the cracks in the last few weeks. She gets her needs met, but she hasn't had a lot of other time with either of us. Today I took her to the store with me and we've been reading more together. She's very into Junie B. Jones books, which the other two care nothing about. So I'm trying to make up to her for the last few weeks. Of course that doesn't make the guilt go away. We did go to the Christmas Parade with just her on Thursday. She was in it and it was too cold for the sick ones. We went to the library first where we read some and she got to help Grammy work. She really likes wiping off the books people return. She said she wants to work there every day after school. I think I might have a future librarian on my hands.